This was the cover of a notebook of all things, but strangely enough it may best explain my metamorphosis here. It's been almost a month since I arrived in Japan and I can hardly believe it (and also that I haven't been updating my blog as often as I'd hoped, sorry)! Back home I thought my time here would be more than enough, but I've quickly realized how fast it's zipping by, and now 4 1/2 months seems like not enough time to do everything! Adjusting to such a different place has made me think and react in a long-term sense from the very beginning; knowing this crazy city is to be my home, I think I have been a bit more cautious about fully embracing the honeymoon stage. I'm not terribly sad or homesick, however frustration is surfacing more and more each day: the early mornings in order to reach school on time; the physical discomfort of not only literally bending backwards on the rush-hour morning train and holding myself up off peoples' laps with only arm strength, but tripping up sets of stairs (haha, yeah, I would do that); the difficulty of simply trying to order food and understanding what it is I'm actually ordering when I'm just SO hungry; the looks I get and the lonely feeling that constantly reminds me I am now the minority...BUT the everyday joys make all the difference: receiving a free loaf of bread from the department store after purchasing a hair clip; realizing the unknown contents of my food is actually quite delicious; the amazing sense of accomplishment I feel when I finally figure something out on my own; the satisfaction I get from having to work hard for what I have and where I want to go; the happiness I feel when someone truly understands me although we do not share the same language; admiring the way humans can connect without language (especially with children); how strong the bonds between my recently-made friends has become in this short time; feeling truly proud that I have found the inner independence I knew I had all along but just needed an excuse to find it; keeping my speech and thoughts in check; a new-found self-confidence despite the constant scrutinization I am under; my new tendency to jump right into an uncomfortable or seemingly unpleasant situation and never feeling regretful!
This has to have been the best thing to happen to me at this point in my life, and I'm confident now the most happiness and growth comes from taking risks. I'm actually beginning to learn more about my own country from fellow exchange students here, as I'm finding how truly different we all are as Americans despite our shared nationality, and it's been great to celebrate these differences even just over a cup of coffee. From the Japanese people I'm finally learning to balance speaking my mind with my tendency to repeatedly make apologies! I'm finding my place in this world as a human being, and understanding you don't have to be ignorant or racist to learn your own culture is never more superior to another, and that what is proper or right is completely subjective. Not only that, but the differences in this world are absolutely beautiful though they may never be completely understood.
